September 1, 2009

· A cleaner Cedar Rapids, 1 butt at a time
· Robbers forget keys in bank, leave getaway car behind
· Customer runs out on Hooters bill, hides under bed

September 2, 2009

· Drunk pilot: Where have you hidden the runway?
· Pigs halt Coventry woods gay sex trysts
· Florida: Man Injures Self Breaking Into Jail

September 3, 2009

· New Miss Universe duties: Blowing up condoms
· Two tons of sugar stolen from doughnut shop

September 4, 2009

· Economy Forces Lincoln Ctr. To Scrap Tree Lighting
· Brain-eating killer claims two more victims

September 5, 2009

· Today is International Bacon Day
· Headline Typo: "Church Kids Raid Panty's For Foodbank Supplies"
· Hair we go again: 1980s styles are the new wave again
· Florida: Thirsty woman steals change from car parked at police station

September 6, 2009

· Car Crashes Through 2nd Floor Of Home
· Florida: Girl Poses As 71-Year-Old To Save On Tuition
· Florida: Mugshot of the week
· Dispatcher Charged With Burning Cop's Home

September 7, 2009

· Firefighters dodge corks as wine truck burns
· 15 Bizarre Patents
· UK: Scouts no longer allowed to bring penknives on camping trips

September 8, 2009

· Toilet snake is twice the size of a man
· 10 Technologies We Stole From the Animal Kingdom
· Forget the Goggles: Chlorophyll Eye Drops Give Night Vision

September 9, 2009

· Shirley's Honey Hole must close
· BBC team discovers 40 new species in 'lost world'
· Church of Sweden: Fortified wine to prevent spread of swine flu
· Hand gel on the menu as Madrid restaurant fights swine flu
· The Big Mac Burrito
· Police: Robber Returned To Ask Victim For Date
· Michigan: Residents living around nuclear power plants to receive anti-radiation pills

September 10, 2009

· Bank offered students tickets for an "exotic" show for opening a new account.
· One UPS truck + 196 parking tickets = $5,700
· 10-story high vagina not considered the most offensive billboard in LA
· Prisoner escapes jail in by packing himself into a cardboard box
· Underwear-stealing monkeys defeated with Cactus
· Baby born at 9:09 a.m. on 9/9/09, weighing 9 pounds, 9 ounces

September 11, 2009

· Police Need Help Finding "Booby Bandits"
· Opinion: The unspoken truth about managing geeks
· Sheriff 's response to woman complaining she was inconvenienced by soldier's funeral procession,
· R.I.P: 'M*A*S*H' writer, producer Larry Gelbart dies
· Florida: Man arrested after trying to teach cat a lesson
· Football game called when sinkhole opens

September 12, 2009

· Woman accused of forges prosecutor's signature
· Arctic melt opens shortcut
· Lost in translation: Air passengers panic after faulty announcement says plane is going to ditch
· Blonde Beats Speeding Tickets With "I'm Pretty" Sign

September 13, 2009

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· Hostages flee after suspect falls asleep
· Key Figure in Blagojevich Corruption Probe Found Dead of Aspirin Overdose
· 911 dispatcher gives birth on 9-11 at 9:11
· Tongue-Eating Parasites Attack Fish Near Normandy

September 14, 2009

· Bungling burglar wore high-visibility fluorescent bib
· Couple charged after sex show at service station, in a stolen car
· Bar Uses Breathalyzer to Encourage Drinking

September 15, 2009

· Ala. boy fakes kidnapping to hide bad grades
· Lawmakers in Indonesian vote unanimously that adulterers can be sentenced to death by stoning
· R.I.P: Patrick Swayze dead after long battle with cancer

September 16, 2009

· Police: Fake cop arrested after stopping La. mayor

September 17, 2009

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· Man Fined for Insulting Mother-In-Law
· Police find roach in suspect's dreadlocks

September 18, 2009

· Monkey pushes woman who wouldn't share off cliff

September 19, 2009

· Florida Friday: New Billboards Display ER Wait Times
· Florida Friday: Intoxicated man tries to hook up with convenience store customer
· Florida Friday: Cow falls on man, injures him as he was milking
· Florida Friday: Gator-Slaying Blonde Bags 11-foot, 450-lb. Swamp Beast with a Crossbow
· Florida Friday: Man shaves daughter's head as punishment
· Florida Friday: Hair clippers, cologne lead to brief evacuation of Tallahassee Regional Airport lobby
· Florida Friday: Police: Dad Turns In Teen Carrying Knife
· Get Out of Jail Free: Monopoly's Hidden Maps Help WWII Prisoners
· Man charged for masturbating while driving

September 20, 2009

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· Bear attacks tourists at bus station

September 21, 2009

· "Man found dead in Pasco lake was lonely drifter"

September 22, 2009

· Spider-Man lookalike lizard
· Police: Boy used Bible page for joint

September 23, 2009

· Expensive Police Vehicle Illegal To Drive In CA
· Q: Who would pick up a hitchhiker with a chainsaw? A: Deputies
· Tiny, Easy-to-Build Weapons Annihilate Office Boredom
· Teen Girls Accused Of "Food Contamination" After Squeezing Muffins

September 24, 2009

· Jumbo squid hit Oregon beaches
· Doctor claimed to be able to cure cancer through "vaginal blowing"

September 25, 2009

· Florida Friday: Firefighters accidentally run over victim they were sent to help
· Florida Friday: Garbage Men Trained To Fight Crime
· Florida Friday: Former deputy sues over drinking disability
· Florida Friday: Sex Offenders Welcome :Ex-Cons Recruited To Live In Apartment Complex

September 26, 2009

· Wild Turkeys Terrorize Jersey Neighborhood
· Pointless research: top 10 Ig Nobel award winners for silly science
· Man sues Bank of America for '1,784 billion, trillion dollars'

September 27, 2009

· Charity runner in ape costume stopped by police who thought he was an escaped gorilla
· Fanged Frog Found in Bangkok

September 28, 2009

· Convicted terrorist wants to become a lawyer
· Woman reports theft of 20 Fruit Roll-Ups
· DNA test shows Hitler skull is that of a woman

September 29, 2009

· Man tries to outrun cops on a converted beer crate.
· Vallejo Police Outsource Report Writing

September 30, 2009

· School torched following Swedish teens' failed hand gel tests
· NASA fires laser 250,000 miles to hit lunar spacecraft traveling at 3,600 mph
· The Best Approach for Avoiding Zombies